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Subtitles for Koo! Kin-Dza-Dza (2012)

English
November 23 2014 05:24:27
Created by Eclectic Translations
Ku Kin-dza-dza.2012.en.1.25fps.1416720267.srt ⭳
Quality: good

From OpenSubtitles.

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1 00:00:00,459 --> 00:00:04,384 CTB Film Company 2 00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:10,098 Channel One Russia 3 00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:16,142 Yugra-Film Film Company 4 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:21,773 PKTK Ritm 5 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,532 Sberbank 6 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:34,419 With the support of the Ministry of Culture of the Russian Federation 7 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:39,377 With the support of the government of the Khanty-Mansi Autonomous Area (Yugra) 8 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,251 and the Domestic Cinema Support Fund 9 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:48,466 In cooperation with OTRK Yugra and Solivs Film Company 10 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:53,638 present 11 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:06,988 a film by Georgi Daneliya 12 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:15,497 Koo! Kin-Dza-Dza 13 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,635 Koo, koo, koo 14 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:30,720 Kew! 15 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,920 Mama, mama, what are we to do 16 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,172 when the cold season comes? 17 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,137 You don't have a warm scarf... 18 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:14,718 Savages 19 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,898 Mr. Chizhov, it's your phone 20 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:27,819 Hello? 21 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,235 No, this isn't Frosya 22 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,297 People! 23 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,669 Tell me the number of your planet in the Tentura 24 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,396 People! 25 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:08,481 I mixed up my contacts. What number do I dial to teleport home? 26 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,162 I'll sign everything 27 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,997 Could you just do one small favor for me, Lucy? 28 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:22,457 When you took your things, you accidentally took my blue slippers too 29 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,255 Could you bring them back? I'm quite attached to them. Goodbye 30 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,897 Fyodor, could you pass me my instrument please? 31 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,774 I'll walk 32 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,956 Mama, mama, what are we to do 33 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,917 when the cold season comes? 34 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,086 Hello? 35 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,040 Yes, Frosya 36 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,125 I have your phone 37 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,086 I took it by mistake 38 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,555 Goose? You said it would be duck 39 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,520 All right, goose it is then. Set the table 40 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,857 No, no, it won't get cold. I'll be there in a minute 41 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,454 Hello, Mr. Chizhov! 42 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,370 Idiot 43 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:46,374 Did I scare you? I thought you'd like it 44 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,085 I'm Tolik, Yelena's son 45 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,999 Who's Yelena? 46 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,093 Yelena Tsarapkin, your cousin 47 00:04:55,754 --> 00:05:00,009 I came here to study to be a DJ, but there was no room at the dorm 48 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,848 - Can I stay with you for now? - No, you can't 49 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,645 Hello? 50 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,356 No, this isn't Frosya 51 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,569 - You dropped some candy - Keep it 52 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:18,618 Uncle Vova, here's the thing. I was robbed on the train 53 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,578 Could you lend me 1,500 roubles? 54 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,332 I'll pay you back as soon as mom wires me some money 55 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:32,087 - I don't carry cash on me. Good night - How about 300, then? 56 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,046 Listen, young man... 57 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,298 People! 58 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:40,550 People, tell me your planet's number in the Tentura 59 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,847 Junkie 60 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,304 Or at least the number of your galaxy in the Spiral 61 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,973 Your feet will freeze off. Go down into the subway 62 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,480 No time for the subway. Please help me 63 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,947 Here's my teleporter. I mixed up my contacts 64 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,326 What number do I dial to teleport back home? 65 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,866 Dial 911, they'll help 66 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:06,329 No, I can't! 911 is Pluke! There are Chatlanians there! 67 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,373 Sure you can. Hold this 68 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,875 - Yes, hello? - Where's the "9" here? 69 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,923 No, this isn't... 70 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,254 ...Frosya 71 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,771 Woah! 72 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:37,022 Listen, I've had enough of this 73 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,372 I'll be damned! 74 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,716 - We're on Pluke, Uncle Vova! - Where? 75 00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,755 That fellow with the daisies said that 911 was Pluke 76 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,512 I dialed the number, and here we are on Pluke 77 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,056 Hold on 78 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:11,727 Tell your barefoot hypnotist that these tricks won't work on me! 79 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,521 Uncle Vova, wait! Something's coming! 80 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,271 A robot 81 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,328 A humanoid 82 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,669 Another trick? 83 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:30,139 Let me take a photo, Uncle Vova, or no one will believe us 84 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,647 Say "cheese"! 85 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,573 That's enough! 86 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,251 Good day, friends. We are aliens from the planet Earth 87 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,586 - We are... - Kew 88 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,181 - Koo - Koo 89 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,350 Hello 90 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,390 <i>Chem'?</i> 91 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,722 He wants money 92 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,891 I don't have that kind 93 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,320 Here, I have roubles, dollars... 94 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,486 I'll pay you. Just take us out of here 95 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,404 Kew! 96 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:29,990 Koo?? 97 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,738 He wants your hat 98 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,289 My hat? 99 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,288 Here 100 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,081 And your coat 101 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,424 Now he wants your fiddle 102 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,466 I can't give you this, it's a musical instrument 103 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,098 Now he wants your hat 104 00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:55,975 Dream on! 105 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:02,735 Hey you, wise guy! 106 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,650 Let it go 107 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,319 There's nothing in there 108 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,321 Open it 109 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,821 Here, see for yourself 110 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,581 It's a laser pointer 111 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,421 That's shampoo. Soap for the head 112 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,007 Like it, huh? How about a swap? 113 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:38,810 I'll give you the hat and the drink for that gizmo on his neck. And two chatles 114 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,397 Could you give us a lift? See, it's quite odd, actually 115 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,867 We met this strange man, and the kid pressed a button 116 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,953 What's taking you so long? Hurry up! 117 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,204 Hey! Come back, you jerk! Give it back! 118 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,129 Forget it! 119 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,214 Let him have it! 120 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:26,020 I'll remember this! I'll get you later, you half-witted cyborg! 121 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,997 - It's just shampoo - I paid cash for that shampoo, maestro 122 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,791 Cash that certain people say they don't carry around 123 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,382 I don't, for people like you 124 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,675 They're coming back 125 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,766 - Young man, what's your name again? - I told you - Tolik 126 00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,767 Tolik, give them whatever they want, or we're going to die here. Understand? 127 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,935 So how come you didn't give them your fiddle? 128 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,858 Ketse! 129 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,573 They want a match 130 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:13,908 This? 131 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,248 Another one? Be my guest 132 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,087 Want the match? 133 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,633 First take us out of here, then we'll give you the "koo" 134 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,518 "Kew" what? Here it is! Kew yourself 135 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,141 Here! Found it 136 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,189 Why do you want it? 137 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,732 It'll come in handy 138 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,111 Hello, fellow earthlings. DJ Tolik Tsarapkin here 139 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,072 If I had video cameras built into my eyes 140 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,250 you'd see that sitting across from me are two shameless, shabby-looking... 141 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,827 Stop it 142 00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:11,796 - Just look at these weirdos - Look, do me a favor. Be quiet 143 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,260 I've got a splitting headache 144 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,213 Ketse 145 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,476 Indeed, Uncle Vova 146 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,643 Ziegenbogen will be wearing your slippers now 147 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,608 They speak Russian! 148 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,407 House slippers 149 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,195 You speak Russian? 150 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:44,033 We're trying. You were thinking about slippers 151 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,242 I just repeated what you thought 152 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,878 - Why were you pretending...? - Why yap for no reason? 153 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,714 How many matches will we get if we take you to Earth? 154 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,585 - How many do you need? - Two full boxes like that one 155 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:59,881 - Six - What? I'll give you three, and that's it 156 00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:04,181 Five 157 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,138 Four, and the gizmo 158 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,519 ls this your last word? 159 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,685 The lastest! 160 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,775 Mama, mama, what am I to do? 161 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,907 Mama, mama, how am I going to live? 162 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,275 Here 163 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,335 Stop it! I'm begging you! 164 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,085 - What does this switch do? - Don't touch it! 165 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,250 Flip the tsapa back! Flip it back now! 166 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,595 OK! Darn it, I can't see a thing! 167 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,511 Give it to me. Give it back to me, buddy! 168 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:46,511 - No way! - Switch the tsapa off, you jerk! 169 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:50,933 - Give it back! We're going to crash! - Four chatles or I'm keeping it 170 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,311 - It costs less than half a chatl - Three, and that's final 171 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,321 - Your last word? - The lastest 172 00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,987 Here! Count it! 173 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,902 You took a bite out of one. Give me a new one 174 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,529 Dream on 175 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,927 Uncle Vova, come over here 176 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:23,301 Look here. This is the Kin-Dza-Dza Galaxy 177 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,017 This is planet Pluke, we're here 178 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,512 Where is your planet? Show me 179 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,685 Let me have a look. Right... 180 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,560 - Where's the Moon here? - Don't even bother trying 181 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,816 For half a chatl any planetarium in the Center will give us the number of your planet 182 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,203 Buckle up, we're landing 183 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,459 - Where's he going? - Shh, be quiet 184 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,795 - Why? - Just because 185 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:15,475 - They're buying stolen property there? - Shut up. They can hear everything 186 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,773 I don't care what they can hear 187 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,736 They have a gravitsapa. Give me the matchbox, I'll buy one 188 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:26,028 Hold your horses, wise guy! First tell us what this gravitsapa is for 189 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:30,916 Without a gravitsapa, buddy, our pepelats can only fly above the surface 190 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:34,536 Now, with a gravitsapa, we'll get to any planet in five minutes 191 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,754 Give me the matches, Uncle Vova 192 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,340 Don't! They're swindlers 193 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,052 It's just nerves 194 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,762 It's stuffy in here 195 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:56,520 Tolik, son, would you turn the AC on please? 196 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,527 See, I'm... Can you climb up there? 197 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:03,989 Where's the switch here? 198 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,121 Ah, that's better. Nice and quiet 199 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,784 Hand over the matches, Uncle Vova 200 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,538 Open it up! Right this second! 201 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,958 Uncle Vova, buddy, don't worry about it 202 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,969 He's doing fine. He's taking a break 203 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,679 Thinking about the goose 204 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,267 OK. Hear for yourself, if you don't believe me 205 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,438 Tolik, can you hear me? 206 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,607 You freaks! If you don't let me out right now... 207 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:43,689 See? He's alert, and full of vigor and determination 208 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,990 They won't let us in. They'll only let you in 209 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,740 Don't think about your matches. Just show them the ketse in my box 210 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,542 Get going. The sooner you buy it, the sooner you'll get home 211 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,254 Go 212 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,102 Uncle Vova, hold on a second! 213 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,681 Put this on your nose, buddy 214 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,604 Thank you, but it's not really my style 215 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,609 Who do you think you are? 216 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,524 I am a musician 217 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,069 No. You're a Patsak 218 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,864 He's also a Patsak. Him, too. And Traz is a Chatlanian 219 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,242 So put the tsak on. Got it? 220 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,115 - Not really - Look at me with this visualizer, buddy 221 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,835 Which dot lights up? The green one 222 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,042 Now let's try it on you. Also green 223 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,499 That's because we're Patsaks 224 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,969 Now look at Wef. Which dot do you see now? The orange one 225 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,510 That's because Mr. Wef is a Chatlanian 226 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,217 - Now do you understand? - What? 227 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:59,351 Without a tsak any ecilop will tranklucate you 228 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,099 Pluke is a Chatlanian planet, buddy 229 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:07,565 That's why we Patsaks must wear tsaks and do the "koo" before Chatlanians 230 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,699 Like this. Get it? 231 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,240 Would you do that one more time, slowly? 232 00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:14,616 Like this 233 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,498 Uncle Vova, you've got concerts scheduled 234 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,119 your wife left you for Ziegenbogen, and you're... 235 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,796 Don't make it harder for yourself, buddy 236 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,095 Uncle Vova! Leave the fiddle here 237 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:50,281 It's a cello! A CELLO! 238 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:54,657 And stop calling me Uncle Vova! 239 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,287 My name is Vladimir! 240 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,448 Vladimir Chizhov! 241 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,041 Got it? 242 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,078 No problem, Uncle Vova 243 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,015 Hi 244 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,561 Well, what do I think about you,huh? 245 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,062 Go on, read my mind 246 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,868 This way, Patsak 247 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,265 Come, come, fiddler 248 00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,370 Good day 249 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,968 Give us your ketse, and you'll get a gravitsapa 250 00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,387 Here you go 251 00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,854 - Got to check it - Please do 252 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:57,366 Koo, Uncle Vova 253 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:09,329 Go ahead, take a seat 254 00:22:16,293 --> 00:22:17,920 Sit there, Patsak 255 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,682 This place is for VIP clients only 256 00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:25,808 Tell Mr. Traz that I'm no regular Joe, either 257 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,648 I'm a famous musician, and a distinguished professor... 258 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:34,361 He says we don't care 259 00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:37,524 A VIP client is one with at least two ketses 260 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,863 At least two ketses 261 00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:42,654 Tell him I have more than two 262 00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,051 You keep ketses in that box? 263 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,133 Yes, I keep ketses in it 264 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,555 Ketses must be kept in a ketse-box 265 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,600 Without a ketse-box the ketse loses its zura 266 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:11,481 Now I've got to run the check all over again! 267 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,648 I do apologize if this is a personal question 268 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,949 Ziegenbogen, is he a banker? 269 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:31,578 - That's irrelevant to the matter at hand. - Of course, if you say so 270 00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:38,334 - Here's a small gift from our company - Thank you 271 00:23:42,630 --> 00:23:44,553 Will you excuse me for a moment? 272 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,711 Gentlemen! Something's wrong here. Come and see! 273 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,902 Here's the Sun 274 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:41,981 Here's the Moon. Here's Moscow 275 00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:45,485 Here's the train station. We fly along the tracks down to Tula... 276 00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:47,870 Get down! 277 00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:21,816 They'll be at it for a while 278 00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,156 - What's going on? - Bee said we should go to the Center 279 00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:25,782 but Wef brought us here 280 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,823 because here it's "two chatles cheaper" 281 00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:31,618 - What about Uncle Vova? - Uncle Vova gave them all the matches 282 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,199 Where is he? Did they take him with them? 283 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,084 Nah, he's over there 284 00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:44,176 You're going to dig like that until your last breath 285 00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:49,173 - Only I can dig him up. - Well, dig him up, then! 286 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,723 Why should I? He doesn't have any more matches 287 00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:54,936 He has one 288 00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,473 He's hiding it in his shoe 289 00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:19,916 Guys, I just remembered. It's not in his shoe 290 00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,794 He keeps it in a secret pocket in his underpants 291 00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:24,045 Pull him out 292 00:26:36,887 --> 00:26:38,059 Uncle Vova! 293 00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:42,271 Is he dead? 294 00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:46,735 Not necessarily. Take it easy, Patsak. Let's find out 295 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,243 Still alive 296 00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:54,913 - Take off your pants, buddy - What? 297 00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,742 Drop your drawers, professor! 298 00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:02,129 Defend yourselves! 299 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:05,166 But I'm warning you: I used to be a boxer 300 00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:09,678 Easy there! 301 00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:13,348 I was joking. I've got the match. Here 302 00:27:17,678 --> 00:27:20,056 Will this desert ever end? 303 00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:21,811 No 304 00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:24,810 What about trees or seas? 305 00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:28,481 Trees and seas were all turned into lutz ages ago, buddy 306 00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:30,316 You mean ketse? 307 00:27:30,732 --> 00:27:33,076 Fuel, you fool. Fuel! 308 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:36,948 What's ketse, then? A drug? 309 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:39,370 No 310 00:27:40,409 --> 00:27:42,912 Ketse is ketse 311 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,673 Oh, Lord... 312 00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,805 Koo. One, two, three... 313 00:28:27,164 --> 00:28:29,417 TOLIK 314 00:28:57,569 --> 00:29:00,072 - Here. Eat - What is it? 315 00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:01,994 Plastic porridge 316 00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,826 And for Uncle Vova? 317 00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:05,206 Later 318 00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:07,671 Look, Patsak, I like you, so I'll explain 319 00:29:07,955 --> 00:29:12,461 If you have a few ketses, you can wear yellow pants 320 00:29:13,377 --> 00:29:17,348 and a Patsak has to squat before you not once, but twice 321 00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:19,175 And do the "koo" 322 00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:22,098 If you have many ketses, son 323 00:29:22,552 --> 00:29:25,101 you can wear crimson pants 324 00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:32,358 And then both a Patsak and a Chatlanian have to do the "koo" before you 325 00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:36,067 And an ecilop has no right to beat you up at night 326 00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:37,909 Ever 327 00:29:38,986 --> 00:29:41,705 Tolik, give the match to me 328 00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:44,958 I'll give you a pair of crimson pants at the Center 329 00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:46,827 I'm nobody 330 00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:50,498 It's Uncle Vova who deserves crimson pants 331 00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,050 He's the coolest 332 00:29:53,250 --> 00:29:55,469 - The fiddler's gone, buddy - What do you mean? 333 00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:58,218 I pressed the kapa and he flew away 334 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:01,265 Say that again? 335 00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:04,970 We don't need the fiddler, buddy. He was just a waste of fuel 336 00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:12,940 Uncle Vova? 337 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,027 Uncle Vova? 338 00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:31,379 Turn back 339 00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:34,549 Don't worry, we have an extra escape pod 340 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,047 Brand new 341 00:30:36,293 --> 00:30:38,387 Turn back or I'll burn this! 342 00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:44,726 Stop! 343 00:30:45,344 --> 00:30:46,766 Stop! 344 00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,189 Wait for me! 345 00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:56,689 Wait for me! 346 00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:00,325 Good day, I'm... 347 00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,709 Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot 348 00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,548 You see, I had an accident... 349 00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:22,927 I wanted to take a shower and the cabin just fell off 350 00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:25,008 Could you give me a lift to the Center...? 351 00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:28,437 This is a cello. A musical instrument 352 00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,223 I know them! They're coming for me! 353 00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:50,386 I'm over here! Over here! 354 00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:56,608 "Koo" what? Stop kooing me! 355 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:07,327 Stay here and keep out of sight. And don't think about the match! 356 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:39,397 Where's Tolik? 357 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,237 Right here, Uncle Vova 358 00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:07,805 Tolik, come out. That jerk saw you 359 00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:14,094 Koo, officer ecilop 360 00:34:17,347 --> 00:34:19,520 Give the match to the creep 361 00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:22,439 - What match? - Give it to him 362 00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:25,606 Officer ecilop, they're hallucinating after the shampoo 363 00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:27,528 They drank all of my shampoo 364 00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:29,776 I thought I'd wash my hair after I teleported 365 00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:31,453 I don't have any matches 366 00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,744 He can't hear you, buddy. He's deaf 367 00:34:35,282 --> 00:34:38,126 Shame on you! How dare you lie to an ecilop? 368 00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:39,998 Give me your foot, you swindler! 369 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,297 What are you doing, moron? 370 00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:45,045 Be quiet now, thinker 371 00:35:08,607 --> 00:35:09,904 Bye Patsaks! 372 00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:33,765 Why were you thinking about the match? 373 00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:35,304 Imbecile! 374 00:35:35,759 --> 00:35:39,480 Why were you thinking about the match, you cretin, you idiot? 375 00:35:39,929 --> 00:35:43,058 Patsakian dimwit! 376 00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:49,113 Tolik, help me out over here! 377 00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:56,159 What a tragedy! What a tragedy! 378 00:35:56,738 --> 00:36:00,743 I only thought about the match because you told me not to 379 00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:04,663 I was going to think about the goose 380 00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:08,299 There's still hope, gentlemen 381 00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,469 We'll go see your government 382 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,970 I'll tell them who I am, put on a free performance for them 383 00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:19,348 We'll establish cultural and economic ties 384 00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:23,978 We'll trade you ketses for pepelatses and yellow pants 385 00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:27,812 To get to the government, you need to have a gravitsapa 386 00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:30,943 The government lives on another planet, buddy 387 00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:33,734 They have butterflies there, too 388 00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:35,865 Tolik, get him! 389 00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:38,617 What are you doing! Drop it! 390 00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:40,290 Stop, you jerk! 391 00:36:56,381 --> 00:36:58,304 So long, DJ! 392 00:37:06,975 --> 00:37:08,568 Never before... 393 00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:12,739 Never before in all the Galaxy... 394 00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:20,247 ...has there been such a despicable Patsak as you! 395 00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:27,666 Tolik Tsarapkin 396 00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:43,978 The woods are so beautiful in winter 397 00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:46,765 Fir trees put on their fur hats 398 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,068 Birds sing 399 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,612 Cuckoo! Cuckoo! 400 00:38:03,448 --> 00:38:06,292 Mama, mama, what am I to do? 401 00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:09,083 Hello? 402 00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:13,045 Hello? This is Tolik 403 00:38:13,708 --> 00:38:15,631 Yelena Tsarapkin's son 404 00:38:16,503 --> 00:38:18,221 All right, let's have goose... 405 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:20,097 Give me that! Hello? 406 00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:23,969 Speak up! 407 00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:27,518 Uncle Vova... 408 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:31,314 I was just kidding 409 00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:39,906 Tolik, please address me by my full name 410 00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:41,866 It would be more polite 411 00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:44,281 Why? I'm your nephew 412 00:38:45,198 --> 00:38:50,295 Because I don't have a cousin named Yelena Tsarapkin 413 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:52,668 That's why 414 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,587 No cousin? Fine 415 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,969 Hello, earthlings. DJ Tolik Tsarapkin here 416 00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:20,446 Tolik! A tornado! Get down! 417 00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:47,769 AN ABRIDGED CHATLANIAN-PATSAK DICTIONARY 418 00:39:48,428 --> 00:39:51,181 PEPELATS - a spaceship GRAVITSAPA - an anti-gravity kapa 419 00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:54,393 ECILOP - a policeman TSAK - a nose bell 420 00:39:54,851 --> 00:39:57,479 ETSIKH - prison KETSE - a match 421 00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,611 KEW - a socially acceptable obscenity KOO - all other words 422 00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:16,046 Bless you! 423 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,005 Hey! Wait up! 424 00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:24,138 No come closer! What you want? 425 00:40:24,464 --> 00:40:26,933 We are Patsaks from the planet Earth 426 00:40:27,216 --> 00:40:30,891 - Can you take us to the Center? - Three chatles please 427 00:40:31,471 --> 00:40:34,099 We don't have any money. But we'll work for it 428 00:40:38,811 --> 00:40:40,313 What do you can? 429 00:40:40,897 --> 00:40:43,741 - Anything - Be you specific 430 00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:49,536 Specific? Vladimir here is specifically a famous fiddler 431 00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:53,997 Him Play 432 00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,086 - Here? - There! 433 00:40:56,746 --> 00:40:58,623 I'm very sorry, but I can't! 434 00:40:58,957 --> 00:41:01,335 To play this instrument I need to be sitting down 435 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,133 Thank you, goodbye 436 00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:06,885 Wait! 437 00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:10,014 - Here, sit on me - This is ridiculous 438 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:12,262 If they leave, we're dead 439 00:41:23,856 --> 00:41:25,199 Play already! 440 00:41:39,706 --> 00:41:43,051 No play like that! We puke 441 00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:49,466 Thank you, goodbye 442 00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:53,143 Hold it! i'll play 443 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,724 Hand it over 444 00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:00,811 You play or we leave 445 00:42:03,438 --> 00:42:05,816 Here. Be careful with it 446 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:11,955 Don't touch it! It's tuned 447 00:42:12,697 --> 00:42:13,869 I'm tuning it guitar-like 448 00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:18,165 We not want guitar. We want fiddle. You play with stick 449 00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:21,376 And sit 450 00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:25,669 To play this instrument you need to be sitting down 451 00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:28,174 Vladimir 452 00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:31,633 Look, you sat on me 453 00:42:32,008 --> 00:42:34,261 You play or we leave 454 00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:50,360 Wait. We turn volume up. Koo 455 00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:58,618 And Sing! 456 00:42:59,786 --> 00:43:02,005 One, two, three 457 00:43:02,455 --> 00:43:06,551 Mama, mama, what are we to do? 458 00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:11,760 This we like a lot 459 00:43:15,176 --> 00:43:17,975 This we no puke 460 00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:24,235 OK, grandma, you go: oompa, oompa, oomph 461 00:43:25,103 --> 00:43:28,027 You, pops, you only go: dun. Bring it on! 462 00:43:33,486 --> 00:43:35,864 Stop. Faster please 463 00:43:36,823 --> 00:43:38,746 Why he no sing? 464 00:43:39,700 --> 00:43:41,873 He'll go "oooh" in between 465 00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:44,626 Spare me please 466 00:43:45,081 --> 00:43:47,334 And porridge eat you want? 467 00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:51,762 "Do you want to eat?" Mind your grammar please 468 00:43:52,547 --> 00:43:55,391 We talk, you mind grammar. Then you be of any use 469 00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:59,345 Do "koo" now, or the ecilop tranklucate us! 470 00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:15,028 A hologram? 471 00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:16,575 That's Pezhe 472 00:44:16,779 --> 00:44:18,122 Who's Pezhe? 473 00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:21,913 He great! 474 00:44:24,287 --> 00:44:26,335 I so love Pezhe! 475 00:44:26,956 --> 00:44:28,299 Me too 476 00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:34,385 We praise skies all the time that he let us on Pluke 477 00:44:39,969 --> 00:44:43,064 - Was it even worse on your planet? - Air 478 00:44:44,307 --> 00:44:45,354 No air? 479 00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:48,231 Air yes, but not everyone breathe 480 00:44:48,811 --> 00:44:50,154 What do you mean? 481 00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:52,944 If you have money you breathe 482 00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:56,869 - And if you have no money? - Then you blow up your balloon 483 00:45:15,755 --> 00:45:18,929 Quick! Get in cage. Patsaks must sing in cage 484 00:45:19,091 --> 00:45:21,139 A nightingale doesn't sing in a cage, grandma 485 00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:27,934 Let's get in, if that's the rule 486 00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:31,608 One, two, three... 487 00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:38,821 You, nightingale, do it the right way: sit on the fiddler 488 00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:42,745 - How do you know what's the right way? - I thought it look nice 489 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,577 Some aesthete... 490 00:45:46,661 --> 00:45:48,254 One, two, three... 491 00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:54,718 Hey, Patsak! Stop making faces at me! 492 00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:57,009 Don't you like Chatlanians? 493 00:45:58,839 --> 00:46:01,592 Smile, smile yourself! Stretch lips to ears 494 00:46:01,801 --> 00:46:03,144 Like this 495 00:46:06,639 --> 00:46:08,687 Are you baring your teeth at me? 496 00:46:09,058 --> 00:46:13,234 A Patsak's smile must be joyful and sincere 497 00:46:15,648 --> 00:46:19,528 Listen here, pops. Either you shut up and we play, or goodbye! 498 00:46:19,902 --> 00:46:21,119 Our goose is getting cold 499 00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:22,454 What? 500 00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:26,917 A misfire 501 00:46:27,743 --> 00:46:30,087 Hold on. You just wait! 502 00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:32,791 Must leave now 503 00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,966 Here hill. Need to push cart 504 00:46:41,299 --> 00:46:43,722 One, two, and push! 505 00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:50,061 Goodbye Patsaks! 506 00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:02,324 You think you can run away from me? 507 00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:04,621 Nightingales! 508 00:47:44,904 --> 00:47:46,497 Let's get out of here 509 00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:55,714 Switch off your phone 510 00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:57,466 Wait a second 511 00:47:57,792 --> 00:47:59,044 Hello? 512 00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:01,921 Frosya, could you give me some garlic? 513 00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:05,967 This is Vladimir Chizhov. Could you do me a favor? 514 00:48:06,133 --> 00:48:09,728 Ask Frosya to call Fima in London and tell him to call Parmakov... 515 00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:12,056 Don't worry, daddy 516 00:48:13,224 --> 00:48:14,271 Daddy! 517 00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:21,945 Daddy! 518 00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:26,697 Look what that clown Pezhe has done to the planet! 519 00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:31,125 Patsaks are flashing their butts at us in broad daylight! 520 00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:37,749 Daddy, don't look at all this! 521 00:48:58,060 --> 00:48:59,858 Earth is somewhere out there 522 00:49:05,568 --> 00:49:08,196 How long have we been stuck here on this Pluke? 523 00:49:09,864 --> 00:49:12,208 Forty-seven hours and twenty minutes 524 00:49:14,743 --> 00:49:17,838 I have a rehearsal in London in 4 hours 525 00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:26,259 Uncle Vova... 526 00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:29,933 ls it hard to get into show business? 527 00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:33,516 I don't know 528 00:49:35,723 --> 00:49:37,441 How did you get into it? 529 00:49:39,477 --> 00:49:41,104 Paid half a ketse for it 530 00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:56,252 You poor thing 531 00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,917 Don't worry, I won't let anything bad happen to you anymore 532 00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:08,134 Good evening 533 00:50:21,936 --> 00:50:23,108 ls this for me? 534 00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:25,865 Thank you very much 535 00:50:30,110 --> 00:50:32,158 Do you want me to play? 536 00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:42,016 Well, you scared off the only music connoisseur on this planet 537 00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:46,191 FITYULKA 538 00:51:58,073 --> 00:52:01,794 Tolik, have you seen my wallet by any chance? 539 00:52:03,537 --> 00:52:05,210 No. Did you lose it? 540 00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:07,423 Must have fallen out 541 00:52:07,625 --> 00:52:09,172 No, it couldn't have fallen out 542 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:11,386 The pocket was zipped up 543 00:52:13,589 --> 00:52:15,262 Are you saying I took it? 544 00:52:20,095 --> 00:52:21,893 Here. See for yourself! 545 00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:14,028 Hi there 546 00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:19,948 - Where's your flying pigpen? - Over there. We ran out of lutz 547 00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,415 It's all your fault, jerk 548 00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,623 Think that I'm holding a tranklucator 549 00:53:30,165 --> 00:53:32,338 Hey! Turn around 550 00:53:34,878 --> 00:53:38,052 Uncle Tolik, don't kill me! We're both Patsaks 551 00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:40,430 We're brothers! He's a Chatlanian 552 00:53:40,676 --> 00:53:43,429 Kill him instead. He made me do it! Uncle Tolik... 553 00:53:43,595 --> 00:53:47,099 Don't listen to him, Uncle Tolik! I love you like a son 554 00:53:47,266 --> 00:53:49,189 I swear by my lifeblood! 555 00:53:49,643 --> 00:53:52,567 Lies! He's lying, Uncle Tolik! 556 00:53:52,688 --> 00:53:55,282 He said, "To hell with them. To hell with them" 557 00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:58,402 You can step on my face if you want to, buddy 558 00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:00,328 That can wait 559 00:54:00,946 --> 00:54:02,914 Now, raise the cage and step aside 560 00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:11,544 After you, Vladimir 561 00:54:14,334 --> 00:54:16,382 Well, you can sit on me, if you want to 562 00:54:17,838 --> 00:54:21,388 I'll teach you how to play. It's simple: you grab the stick with your hand... 563 00:54:21,633 --> 00:54:24,307 No, thank you. I'd rather be a chair 564 00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:41,908 Mama, mama, what are we to do 565 00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:45,791 when the freezing season comes? 566 00:54:46,658 --> 00:54:50,253 You don't have a warm scarf 567 00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,500 I don't have a warm coat 568 00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:22,945 Uncle Tolik, keep going, buddy! 569 00:55:23,987 --> 00:55:25,409 They like it 570 00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:28,330 - They get it - An ecilop! 571 00:55:45,843 --> 00:55:48,847 Well, humanoids, is there enough for a gravitsapa? 572 00:55:49,596 --> 00:55:51,815 No, buddy, you need a lot more than that 573 00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:55,774 Vladimir, keep your eyes on them. There are 13 chatles there 574 00:56:09,157 --> 00:56:12,957 Pick about 300 of these things. Then, in the next show, when I come onstage... 575 00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:14,747 What are you doing, buddy? 576 00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,462 That's a last breath. A grave 577 00:56:29,678 --> 00:56:33,308 Does no one sing in cages on Earth? 578 00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:37,652 Mr. Wef, on Earth only animals are kept in cages 579 00:56:38,437 --> 00:56:41,441 - Are animals Patsaks? - More like Chatlanians 580 00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:47,239 So you have the same flagrant racism as here, on Pluke 581 00:56:48,363 --> 00:56:52,789 Only on Earth it was the Patsaks who took power, not the Chatlanians 582 00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:56,881 Together with Uncle Tolik's friend, a nightingale 583 00:57:06,506 --> 00:57:08,053 Well, Vladimir? 584 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:11,307 Hey, Patsak! 585 00:57:11,595 --> 00:57:13,313 This is where you go "koo" 586 00:57:13,722 --> 00:57:14,814 I didn't hear it 587 00:57:15,015 --> 00:57:16,767 Well, don't stick fingers in your ears 588 00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:18,485 I can't bear listening to this 589 00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:20,316 Then just watch 590 00:57:20,604 --> 00:57:23,232 When I raise one finger, you sing "koo" 591 00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:26,243 Two fingers, "ee". Got it? 592 00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:30,280 Go! 593 00:57:30,405 --> 00:57:33,625 Mama, mama, what are we to do 594 00:57:33,951 --> 00:57:35,828 when the cold season comes? 595 00:57:36,036 --> 00:57:38,459 I don't have a warm scarf 596 00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:41,213 You don't have a warm coat 597 00:57:42,834 --> 00:57:44,177 Vladimir? 598 00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,427 He's just dumb! 599 00:57:49,383 --> 00:57:52,478 I am among the five best musicians in the world! 600 00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:55,309 Do you expect me to go "cuckoo" with you here? 601 00:57:56,348 --> 00:57:57,395 Enough! 602 00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:07,568 Uncle Tolik, don't fret. He's just jealous 603 00:58:35,303 --> 00:58:39,900 Never before in all the Galaxy has there been such a talentless Patsak as him 604 00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:47,900 Says he's among the top five musicians on the planet 605 00:58:48,066 --> 00:58:50,114 when he can't even memorize two notes 606 00:58:51,737 --> 00:58:52,784 Jerk 607 00:59:00,412 --> 00:59:03,461 I have a business proposal. You and I lose them in the Center 608 00:59:04,124 --> 00:59:07,344 We buy a gravitsapa and fly to Earth 609 00:59:07,836 --> 00:59:10,806 We split the matches evenly: 2 boxes for you, 3 for me. Deal? 610 00:59:12,299 --> 00:59:15,178 - How are we going to buy the gravitsapa? - No problem 611 00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:19,682 Here 612 00:59:21,725 --> 00:59:23,978 Gentlemen virtuosos of Planet Pluke 613 00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:27,732 Come here for a moment. Mr. Abradox has a surprise for you 614 00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:56,677 Ketse! 615 01:00:15,779 --> 01:00:18,953 Woah! What's that? A zeppelin? 616 01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:22,161 It's the last breath of Pezhe 617 01:00:22,536 --> 01:00:23,583 ls he dead? 618 01:00:23,870 --> 01:00:27,170 What are you saying, buddy? Pezhe is very much alive 619 01:00:27,624 --> 01:00:30,423 Who is this Pezhe anyway? Your president? 620 01:00:31,419 --> 01:00:34,047 Pezhe is Pezhe, buddy 621 01:00:35,590 --> 01:00:37,763 I love Pezhe very much 622 01:00:59,072 --> 01:01:01,325 Couldn't we have landed a little closer? 623 01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:04,791 Then we'd have to pay for a landing ticket 624 01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:21,102 Piece of cake, Vladimir. Come on over 625 01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:24,181 I don't think I can, Tolik. I am acrophobic 626 01:01:24,431 --> 01:01:27,810 - You're what? - Acrophobic. It's a condition 627 01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:29,645 The fear of heights 628 01:01:30,312 --> 01:01:32,314 All right. Wait there, then 629 01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:34,695 Let's go 630 01:01:37,319 --> 01:01:41,199 - Uncle Tolik, put on a tsak, buddy - I will, later 631 01:01:41,656 --> 01:01:44,250 Hey! Want some cosmic dust? 632 01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:51,758 - Does the fiddler have any chatles? - No 633 01:01:52,876 --> 01:01:54,298 It's fresh. Yesterday's 634 01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:58,674 Tell him to bury himself in the sand if he sees an ecilop 635 01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:07,641 Guys, let's carry him over 636 01:02:08,475 --> 01:02:10,273 No need to carry him 637 01:02:10,852 --> 01:02:13,526 I can bring him over on my tsurlap for one chatl 638 01:02:13,813 --> 01:02:15,281 Deal 639 01:02:19,653 --> 01:02:21,826 Get on. Acrophobes... 640 01:02:22,489 --> 01:02:25,242 - Are we going around it? - Get on already 641 01:02:25,659 --> 01:02:28,378 Just try not to breathe on my neck 642 01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:33,125 And don't touch me 643 01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:36,253 I hate acrophobes 644 01:02:37,337 --> 01:02:40,136 You're the cause of all this mess 645 01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:44,645 - Hey! Where are you going? - Get your hands off of me! 646 01:02:49,224 --> 01:02:52,353 - Hold on, Uncle Vova! - Don't! The plank will snap! 647 01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,195 Abradox will save them! 648 01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:58,859 He won't pay. Let's go 649 01:02:59,442 --> 01:03:01,160 - What about Uncle Vova? - What about him? 650 01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:05,161 - You said he didn't have money. Let's go - I'll pay. Save them 651 01:03:06,074 --> 01:03:08,418 Two chatles. There are two of them 652 01:03:09,035 --> 01:03:11,538 Here's one. Here's two 653 01:03:11,871 --> 01:03:14,044 Add one more. For the ecilop 654 01:03:21,089 --> 01:03:22,682 Hey you, stop! 655 01:03:24,551 --> 01:03:26,098 Listen you, acrophobe 656 01:03:26,594 --> 01:03:30,144 I'm not paying. It's all your fault that we're hanging here 657 01:03:31,349 --> 01:03:33,147 Quit mooing and pay up! 658 01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:41,406 Acrophobes. I'd strangle you all 659 01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:47,290 I don't have any money. None 660 01:03:48,408 --> 01:03:52,163 Now I understand why Lucy left you for Ziegenbogen 661 01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:54,582 Oh yeah? Why? 662 01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:57,254 Because you're a miser and a coward 663 01:03:57,917 --> 01:03:59,919 - Who, me? - Who else? 664 01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:04,558 Watch my hand, hero 665 01:04:06,051 --> 01:04:08,600 By the shores of Gitche Gumee 666 01:04:08,928 --> 01:04:11,351 By the shining Big-Sea-Water 667 01:04:11,723 --> 01:04:12,770 That's one! 668 01:04:13,016 --> 01:04:15,519 Stood the wigwam of Nokomis 669 01:04:15,769 --> 01:04:18,522 Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis 670 01:04:18,897 --> 01:04:21,320 Rose the black and gloomy pine-trees 671 01:04:21,691 --> 01:04:22,738 That's two! 672 01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:25,617 - Hey! Stop joking around - Be quiet 673 01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:28,581 Dark behind it rose the forest 674 01:04:28,823 --> 01:04:31,918 Rose the firs with cones upon them 675 01:04:32,452 --> 01:04:35,251 Bright before it beat the water 676 01:04:35,872 --> 01:04:39,752 Beat the clear and sunny water 677 01:04:40,335 --> 01:04:42,929 - That's three! - Enough! I'll pay! 678 01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:44,885 Don't interrupt me! 679 01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:51,059 There the wrinkled old Nokomis 680 01:04:52,097 --> 01:04:54,976 Nursed the little Hiawatha 681 01:04:55,433 --> 01:05:00,189 Rocked him in his linden cradle 682 01:05:06,027 --> 01:05:08,405 Rocked him in his... 683 01:05:14,619 --> 01:05:19,921 Rocked him in his linden cradle 684 01:05:20,542 --> 01:05:21,668 Stop. you scum! 685 01:05:22,043 --> 01:05:26,924 Bedded soft in moss and rushes 686 01:05:27,173 --> 01:05:28,971 Hey you, humanoids! 687 01:05:29,134 --> 01:05:32,889 If you don't pull him up now, I'll sell you to Moscow Zoo 688 01:05:33,388 --> 01:05:35,186 For three chatles apiece 689 01:05:45,233 --> 01:05:46,530 Chatl 690 01:05:57,203 --> 01:05:58,671 Patsaks in the back 691 01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:17,228 Man, that's totally unreal! I can't even see the bottom 692 01:06:18,141 --> 01:06:21,236 There is no bottom, buddy. It's the edge of the planet 693 01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:24,489 ls it flat, lying on the backs of three elephants? 694 01:06:24,814 --> 01:06:26,987 Oh, no. When they were testing the gigatsapa 695 01:06:27,192 --> 01:06:29,194 they forgot to put the purz into the ketse-box 696 01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:30,532 So a piece broke off 697 01:06:31,196 --> 01:06:32,243 Completely 698 01:06:55,386 --> 01:06:57,309 They're pumping up the last breath, huh? 699 01:06:57,847 --> 01:07:00,726 Patsak, I love Pezhe very much! Get it? 700 01:07:01,059 --> 01:07:02,311 - Me too - And me! 701 01:07:02,477 --> 01:07:04,821 And I koo him even more 702 01:07:34,634 --> 01:07:36,807 Hey, Patsak! Want to buy a gravitsapa? 703 01:07:38,846 --> 01:07:41,599 A dual-zur model with a magnetic kapa. Look 704 01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:42,938 Does it work? 705 01:07:43,101 --> 01:07:45,069 What do you take me for? Like clockwork 706 01:07:47,438 --> 01:07:48,940 Listen for yourself 707 01:07:53,695 --> 01:07:54,742 So you'll buy it? 708 01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:58,579 Guys, there's a man selling a gravitsapa there. Do we want it? 709 01:07:58,783 --> 01:08:00,831 Later. First we need the address 710 01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:03,413 Yellow pants! "Koo" twice! 711 01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:27,020 - Want some mirages? - What mirages? 712 01:08:27,854 --> 01:08:29,231 Good mirages 713 01:08:30,148 --> 01:08:32,367 Tsarapkin, is that you? 714 01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:36,245 Lizyakina 715 01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:39,824 Tolik, you're like, woah! 716 01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:42,707 You should have called and said you were going to Pluke 717 01:08:43,077 --> 01:08:45,956 Your mom is totally freaking out 718 01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:50,044 I tried. Couldn't get the signal 719 01:08:51,252 --> 01:08:55,678 Uncle Vova, this is Lida Lizyakina from the ninth grade 720 01:08:56,924 --> 01:08:58,221 Hello 721 01:08:58,718 --> 01:09:01,562 Hi. I saw you on TV 722 01:09:04,891 --> 01:09:07,519 Tolik, are there any clubs around here? 723 01:09:08,436 --> 01:09:11,110 I don't know, I haven't checked yet 724 01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:16,619 Cool. Do you want me to kiss you? 725 01:09:17,445 --> 01:09:18,742 Sure 726 01:09:25,787 --> 01:09:27,209 Pay up. Two chatles 727 01:09:27,580 --> 01:09:29,582 - For what? - For the mirage 728 01:09:36,089 --> 01:09:38,183 Want to see more? 729 01:09:39,258 --> 01:09:41,977 Don't buy it, Tolik. That's a pirated mirage 730 01:09:42,261 --> 01:09:44,810 Let's go. I have a legal copy 731 01:09:45,390 --> 01:09:46,562 The adult version 732 01:09:59,779 --> 01:10:02,123 Think the diameter of your planet's orbit 733 01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:05,919 - The diameter of the orbit? - Yes, the diameter. Are you deaf? 734 01:10:06,577 --> 01:10:11,128 - 2 x pi x radius, Uncle Vova. - Two pi R? No, that's something else 735 01:10:13,167 --> 01:10:15,295 - Give her one of your hairs - Why? 736 01:10:15,795 --> 01:10:18,890 She'll extract the coordinates from your DNA, buddy 737 01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,115 It's dyed 738 01:10:40,653 --> 01:10:43,327 It's not dye. It's conditioner 739 01:10:44,031 --> 01:10:46,375 Doesn't matter. The structure is damaged 740 01:10:46,826 --> 01:10:49,705 Pull one out from your nose. There's one sticking out 741 01:10:50,288 --> 01:10:51,255 Shut up 742 01:10:51,414 --> 01:10:54,258 Do you use conditioner on your nose hair too, Hiawatha? 743 01:10:56,669 --> 01:10:57,921 You give me one 744 01:10:58,546 --> 01:10:59,763 No problem 745 01:11:08,264 --> 01:11:09,311 Shampoo? 746 01:11:09,891 --> 01:11:13,020 Yup, the real thing. From Vietnam. Mom bought it in town 747 01:11:13,978 --> 01:11:15,480 This will do 748 01:11:23,362 --> 01:11:26,912 This will take a minute. You can call Earth in the mean time 749 01:11:27,408 --> 01:11:30,252 - That's great! - Think your phone number 750 01:11:31,412 --> 01:11:33,085 With the area code? 751 01:11:35,374 --> 01:11:36,591 Hello? 752 01:11:36,876 --> 01:11:40,255 Who's this? Speak up 753 01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,723 Say something. Time's ticking 754 01:11:43,424 --> 01:11:46,348 Mom, hi! How are things? 755 01:11:47,053 --> 01:11:51,980 Tolik! Tolik! ls that you? Tolik? Tolik, where are you? 756 01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:55,565 I'm at Uncle Vova's country house 757 01:11:56,312 --> 01:12:01,193 Uncle Vova's? Tolik, why did you go see that snob? 758 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,993 I told you not to! 759 01:12:05,321 --> 01:12:07,323 Mom, he can hear you 760 01:12:07,949 --> 01:12:10,043 Time's up. Over and out 761 01:12:16,791 --> 01:12:19,214 Hey, that sounded like Yelena Mashkova 762 01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,136 That's right 763 01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:23,760 Wait a minute. You said your mother was Yelena Tsarapkin 764 01:12:24,048 --> 01:12:27,268 Look, fiddler, his mother married his father 765 01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:29,262 And so she became a Tsarapkin 766 01:12:29,637 --> 01:12:30,684 Understand? 767 01:12:31,514 --> 01:12:33,266 Remember this once and for all, Patsaks 768 01:12:33,516 --> 01:12:37,771 The number of your planet is Uzm-27 in the Spiral, 16 in the Tentura 769 01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:42,358 Tolik, I'm very sorry 770 01:12:42,859 --> 01:12:44,031 Just forget it 771 01:12:45,278 --> 01:12:48,873 Uncle Vova, may I stay the night at your place when we get back? 772 01:12:49,991 --> 01:12:51,413 Of course 773 01:12:52,827 --> 01:12:55,922 You know what, Tolik? You can move in with me 774 01:12:56,539 --> 01:12:59,258 - Nah, mom wouldn't like it - What's the number? 775 01:13:00,126 --> 01:13:02,675 Twenty-seven in the Spiral, 16 in the Tentura 776 01:13:03,421 --> 01:13:05,924 Your mom can move in, too 777 01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:11,771 Uncle Vova, is Ziegenbogen a banker? - No, a flutist 778 01:13:17,560 --> 01:13:19,858 Mama, mama, what am I to do? 779 01:13:20,354 --> 01:13:22,698 Mama, mama, how am I going to live? 780 01:13:37,580 --> 01:13:40,584 Uncle Vova, look. My jacket and your coat 781 01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:44,171 - Were they the ones who stole our matches? - Yes, that's them 782 01:13:47,173 --> 01:13:50,677 Crimson pants. They'll throw you in an etsikh with nails for life! 783 01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:56,978 - Tolik, don't - I'll be right back 784 01:14:08,027 --> 01:14:10,280 Mama, mama, what am I to do? 785 01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:15,538 Mama, mama, how am I going to live? 786 01:14:16,077 --> 01:14:17,579 Ni 787 01:14:18,204 --> 01:14:19,797 Ni 788 01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,462 I forgive you the ketses 789 01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:25,173 but you're going to have to return ourjacket and coat 790 01:14:29,006 --> 01:14:34,354 Lizyakina! Have some pride. Stop chasing after him 791 01:14:35,429 --> 01:14:37,852 Can't trick me, lady. It's a pirated mirage 792 01:14:38,224 --> 01:14:40,272 Then tell your mirage that decent girls 793 01:14:40,518 --> 01:14:43,192 wear tsaks in their noses instead of the navel 794 01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:46,445 And only one, not five 795 01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,833 Gentlemen, one moment please 796 01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:28,032 Bravo, maestro! 797 01:15:58,929 --> 01:16:04,151 Hail, Earthling! If you ever set foot on this miserable planet 798 01:16:04,852 --> 01:16:09,904 know that the first visitors from Earth were Tolik Tsarapkin 799 01:16:10,816 --> 01:16:14,912 and his uncle, a famous cellist, Vladimir... 800 01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,787 Well, that's that 801 01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:36,013 Patsak, where is he, your Hiawatha? 802 01:16:36,467 --> 01:16:38,845 - He's in the etsikh - And the other two? 803 01:16:41,931 --> 01:16:42,978 Them too 804 01:16:43,849 --> 01:16:46,728 That'll teach him to scare the planet 805 01:16:47,394 --> 01:16:49,943 "Rocked him in his linden cradle" 806 01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:53,200 - Damn acrophobes - Quiet now 807 01:17:22,138 --> 01:17:23,355 Hello, tin man 808 01:17:23,472 --> 01:17:26,772 - Did they let you go? - They stole the match and hit me in the eye 809 01:17:27,726 --> 01:17:31,321 - ls that our fiddle? - It's mine now. I glued it back together 810 01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:34,233 - Help me fetch the cage - Why? 811 01:17:34,483 --> 01:17:37,453 We'll perform, make some money to bail our guys out. Let's go 812 01:17:38,195 --> 01:17:40,914 Tsarapkin, I've gone solo I don't need anyone 813 01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:42,745 Shove off. Don't mess up my act 814 01:17:46,203 --> 01:17:48,046 - Give me the fiddle - No way 815 01:17:53,210 --> 01:17:54,678 I'm asking you nicely 816 01:17:55,337 --> 01:17:57,339 Don't come any closer, Patsak, or I'll poke you! 817 01:17:57,548 --> 01:17:58,595 Oh really? 818 01:18:00,801 --> 01:18:01,848 Jerk! 819 01:18:07,224 --> 01:18:09,477 I wish I could smash the fiddle against his head, too 820 01:18:09,727 --> 01:18:12,526 Don't think about that, Tsarapkin! Think about the goose instead 821 01:18:12,980 --> 01:18:15,358 Or about Lida Lizyakina from the ninth grade 822 01:18:18,861 --> 01:18:20,204 Honk-honk-honk! 823 01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:33,633 Idiot 824 01:18:33,834 --> 01:18:36,883 You should have seen the pepelats he bought with our match! 825 01:18:37,129 --> 01:18:39,302 A triple micro-tsapa with a magneto-zur 826 01:18:39,465 --> 01:18:43,345 Aromatic spiral bolts, a laser-equipped toilet in the mainframe 827 01:18:44,762 --> 01:18:46,764 Can you talk with the deaf? 828 01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:49,476 - Sure, why? - I have a business proposal for him 829 01:18:49,767 --> 01:18:52,020 - What is it? - He takes me to Earth and back 830 01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:54,313 and I give him ten boxes of ketses 831 01:18:54,772 --> 01:18:56,240 OK, and 3,000 boxes for me 832 01:18:56,690 --> 01:18:58,408 - How many? - Tsarapkin 833 01:18:58,859 --> 01:19:01,112 Dough is not a problem. I've got dough 834 01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:06,580 Yen, euros, dollars, roubles... OK? 835 01:19:31,429 --> 01:19:35,024 Mama, mama, what am I to do? 836 01:19:37,391 --> 01:19:40,565 Mama, mama, how am I going to live? 837 01:19:50,703 --> 01:19:52,831 Buckle up Patsak. We're going to crash land soon 838 01:19:53,831 --> 01:19:56,129 - Why? - Just because 839 01:20:07,928 --> 01:20:10,807 We're falling. I pinched the gravitsapa 840 01:20:11,181 --> 01:20:13,525 - Why? - We'll install it on our... Tsarapkin! 841 01:20:14,101 --> 01:20:18,652 Think about Lida Lizyakina from the ninth grade. Now! 842 01:20:20,691 --> 01:20:22,910 - Come on, think! - Lizyakina 843 01:20:23,193 --> 01:20:24,240 Good boy 844 01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:28,166 So, we'll install it on our pepelats, and I keep the deaf guy's share 845 01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:30,500 Put it back, you scum! 846 01:20:30,784 --> 01:20:32,331 We're going to crash! 847 01:20:53,557 --> 01:20:57,027 You scumbag! You broke the sky in the office of my beloved Pezhe! 848 01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:06,320 Come out, Patsak 849 01:21:07,738 --> 01:21:09,706 Yeah, yeah, tin man. Just a second 850 01:21:22,211 --> 01:21:25,385 Everyone on the floor! Hands behind your heads! 851 01:21:34,973 --> 01:21:37,396 Pezhe's coming with me. The rest don't move for an hour 852 01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:41,397 Are we koo or not koo? 853 01:21:41,980 --> 01:21:43,698 Koo, Uncle Tolik! 854 01:21:44,608 --> 01:21:45,860 Koo, buddy 855 01:22:08,966 --> 01:22:10,013 What number? 856 01:22:10,259 --> 01:22:11,761 Bring out Uncle Vova 857 01:22:14,138 --> 01:22:15,515 And the other two 858 01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:17,100 Why them? 859 01:22:18,058 --> 01:22:19,355 Just because 860 01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:30,446 That's one tough Patsak 861 01:22:30,779 --> 01:22:32,702 Hello Vladimir Chizhov 862 01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:47,179 - A video? - No 863 01:22:50,716 --> 01:22:55,768 I've been meaning to talk to you. This thing here is called a tsak 864 01:22:56,680 --> 01:23:01,026 - I think, you... - Vova, just hit him in the face already 865 01:23:03,187 --> 01:23:07,488 What's that? What are you holding there? 866 01:23:07,858 --> 01:23:11,362 A Plukian musical instrument. My grandfather gave it to me 867 01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:14,323 Ah, here come those two creeps 868 01:23:21,622 --> 01:23:22,669 Hey there 869 01:23:25,334 --> 01:23:27,086 Koo, Uncle Tolik! 870 01:23:30,130 --> 01:23:31,347 Koo, buddy 871 01:23:40,974 --> 01:23:42,726 - Tsapa? - Check 872 01:23:45,354 --> 01:23:47,106 - Kapa? - Check 873 01:23:47,856 --> 01:23:48,982 Tsapa? 874 01:23:50,234 --> 01:23:51,531 I said, tsapa! 875 01:23:51,693 --> 01:23:56,369 Stop yelling. Tsarapkin, there's some junkie asking for you 876 01:24:02,246 --> 01:24:04,544 People! That was some dialing that you did 877 01:24:04,665 --> 01:24:07,339 It took ages to find you. Here's your candy back 878 01:24:08,377 --> 01:24:09,503 Hi 879 01:24:10,003 --> 01:24:13,633 Hi. If you want, I can return you to Earth 880 01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:14,929 I found out the number 881 01:24:15,050 --> 01:24:18,304 How about this? We go to Earth, buy matches, come back 882 01:24:18,637 --> 01:24:20,765 and hide them. Then we go back and buy... 883 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:24,063 You can't bring ketses with you. Ketses are contraband 884 01:24:24,268 --> 01:24:25,986 - We'll split it with you 50:50 - No 885 01:24:26,186 --> 01:24:27,529 -90:10 -No 886 01:24:27,646 --> 01:24:29,068 - 90:9 - No! 887 01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:32,284 Quit haggling, astronauts. We'll fly on the pepelats 888 01:24:32,901 --> 01:24:34,903 - Stay out of this - 90:9 889 01:24:35,153 --> 01:24:36,279 No, no, and no! 890 01:24:36,738 --> 01:24:38,740 Off you go then, mister. Go home 891 01:24:44,079 --> 01:24:45,672 - Tsapa - Check 892 01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,633 - Kapa - Check 893 01:24:50,752 --> 01:24:53,301 Guys, do you like dumplings? 894 01:24:54,548 --> 01:24:55,595 Sure 895 01:24:56,717 --> 01:24:58,435 OK, so then first we... 896 01:24:58,719 --> 01:24:59,766 We've landed 897 01:25:11,231 --> 01:25:13,529 Guys, this isn't Earth. You missed it 898 01:25:14,318 --> 01:25:15,535 This is Xanud 899 01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:16,741 What Xanud? 900 01:25:17,029 --> 01:25:19,623 - The planet where I was born - Me too 901 01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,127 Woah! 902 01:25:24,703 --> 01:25:26,956 - You like it? - I'll be damned! 903 01:25:28,749 --> 01:25:30,797 Uncle Tolik, like we told you 904 01:25:31,084 --> 01:25:32,961 the planet Xanud costs almost nothing now 905 01:25:33,462 --> 01:25:36,136 A month of singing "Mama", and the planet is ours 906 01:25:36,840 --> 01:25:38,638 Another month, and we can buy the air 907 01:25:39,051 --> 01:25:41,930 Everybody without air will come here 908 01:25:43,013 --> 01:25:46,643 They'll be crawling on all fours and we'll just spit on them 909 01:25:47,100 --> 01:25:49,603 - What for? - For fun 910 01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:53,027 Half the planet is yours, the other half is ours, deal? 911 01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:56,994 It's tempting, of course 912 01:25:57,402 --> 01:26:00,246 But we need to return to Moscow. Let's not waste time 913 01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:03,579 You shut up. We're not talking to you 914 01:26:04,409 --> 01:26:06,707 Uncle Tolik, come here, buddy 915 01:26:10,248 --> 01:26:13,627 Look here. We are here. Earth is here 916 01:26:15,295 --> 01:26:19,050 Earth is in the Antitentura, buddy. There's no way we can reach it 917 01:26:19,591 --> 01:26:21,013 How so? 918 01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,307 I've been unlucky all my life 919 01:26:24,388 --> 01:26:27,358 - Did you learn that at the planetarium? - Yes, buddy 920 01:26:27,766 --> 01:26:32,613 - Then why did you keep quiet? - We didn't, buddy! 921 01:26:32,938 --> 01:26:34,736 We tried to convince him 922 01:26:35,399 --> 01:26:37,026 The kid screwed it all up 923 01:26:37,275 --> 01:26:39,118 "We'll fly on the pepelats" 924 01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:41,155 The pepelats can't make it to Earth 925 01:26:41,613 --> 01:26:43,832 Enough talk, let's go divide the planet 926 01:26:44,908 --> 01:26:46,455 They're lying, Uncle Vova 927 01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:54,509 Take us to Earth, right now! 928 01:26:55,043 --> 01:26:58,593 Uncle Tolik, we can't! I swear on the kapa! 929 01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,306 No, they're not lying 930 01:27:05,345 --> 01:27:09,225 For those ketses they'd crawl on all fours across the entire Galaxy 931 01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:11,355 Of course! 932 01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:29,999 Put the mask on, Vova 933 01:27:30,412 --> 01:27:32,881 The oxygen here is only 30% of the norm 934 01:27:49,681 --> 01:27:51,649 Arthur Ziegenbogen 935 01:27:52,392 --> 01:27:54,486 Flute concerto 936 01:27:55,896 --> 01:27:58,695 In memoriam of the great cellist 937 01:27:59,900 --> 01:28:02,119 Performed by the composer 938 01:28:25,050 --> 01:28:28,350 - Uncle Tolik, don't kill me! - Don't listen to him, Uncle Tolik! 939 01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:31,473 - We're Patsaks. We're brothers! - I love you like a son! 940 01:28:32,849 --> 01:28:34,396 Go to hell, you two 941 01:28:45,403 --> 01:28:46,871 Uncle Vova, put this on 942 01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:49,916 No one needs the fiddler, Uncle Tolik 943 01:28:52,911 --> 01:28:54,788 No one needs me, either 944 01:28:56,915 --> 01:29:02,263 Don't. You're still young. You'll adapt 945 01:29:08,093 --> 01:29:11,347 Uncle Vova, I lied to you 946 01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:16,147 Nobody stole my money 947 01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:19,062 I lost it all in a street scam 948 01:29:22,524 --> 01:29:24,618 Just don't tell mom 949 01:29:26,611 --> 01:29:27,658 OK? 950 01:29:37,163 --> 01:29:40,383 Tsarapkin, after we crash-landed, my micro-tsapa has been glitchy 951 01:29:41,126 --> 01:29:44,471 Sing, before you blow up your balloon. I'll record it onto the tsapa 952 01:29:52,429 --> 01:29:56,354 Bee said we should tranklucate the fiddler, "He has a bad influence on the boy" 953 01:29:57,142 --> 01:29:59,736 And Wef said, "What will Tsarapkin sit on?" 954 01:30:00,312 --> 01:30:02,360 He's greedy, like all Chatlanians 955 01:30:03,857 --> 01:30:04,983 people! 956 01:30:06,026 --> 01:30:07,369 I forgot to tell you 957 01:30:07,819 --> 01:30:10,368 You can't get to Earth on that ship 958 01:30:10,989 --> 01:30:14,619 We know. It's in the Antitentura. So use your teleporter then 959 01:30:16,578 --> 01:30:19,502 Buddies, what about us? 960 01:30:20,123 --> 01:30:22,467 - Don't you feel sorry for us? - Come along 961 01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:24,378 What? Me? 962 01:30:24,669 --> 01:30:28,765 To the planet where you can't tell a savage Patsak from a Chatlanian? 963 01:30:29,925 --> 01:30:32,348 - You can go back if you don't like it - No, buddies 964 01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:34,604 Heavens be my witness: 965 01:30:34,846 --> 01:30:40,694 a society with no pants-color differentiation has no future! 966 01:30:44,189 --> 01:30:45,941 I'm sorry, I can't wait any longer 967 01:30:46,149 --> 01:30:48,743 Friend, alien! Wait just a few more minutes 968 01:30:48,985 --> 01:30:50,703 Tsarapkin, let's record the entire act 969 01:30:51,029 --> 01:30:52,952 Be quick, I'm suffocating 970 01:30:53,365 --> 01:30:55,788 Mama, mama, what are we to do 971 01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:57,999 when the cold season comes? 972 01:30:58,244 --> 01:31:00,747 I have no warm scarf 973 01:31:00,997 --> 01:31:03,625 You have no warm coat 974 01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:25,401 Woah! 975 01:31:28,149 --> 01:31:29,696 I'll be damned 976 01:31:43,498 --> 01:31:45,500 Hello, Mr. Chizhov! 977 01:31:46,668 --> 01:31:48,090 Idiot 978 01:31:48,795 --> 01:31:51,594 Did I scare you? I thought you'd like it 979 01:31:52,424 --> 01:31:54,677 I'm Tolik, Yelena's son 980 01:31:56,594 --> 01:31:59,939 Hello? No, this isn't Frosya 981 01:32:00,557 --> 01:32:03,561 - You dropped some candy - Keep it 982 01:32:04,144 --> 01:32:07,398 Uncle Vova, here's the thing. I was robbed on the train 983 01:32:07,772 --> 01:32:09,774 Could you lend me 1,500 roubles? I'll pay you back 984 01:32:09,858 --> 01:32:11,280 as soon as mom wires me some money 985 01:32:11,401 --> 01:32:13,950 I don't carry cash on me. Good night 986 01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:16,160 How about 300, then? 987 01:32:16,698 --> 01:32:18,041 Listen, young man 988 01:32:18,825 --> 01:32:21,078 if you don't leave me alone... 989 01:32:45,935 --> 01:32:47,232 Your phone is ringing 990 01:32:50,273 --> 01:32:51,866 - Hello? - It's Frosya 991 01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:54,949 Ziegenbogen brought your old slippers 992 01:32:55,403 --> 01:32:56,825 Should I take them? 993 01:32:57,989 --> 01:33:01,163 Don't. Koo, Uncle Vova? 994 01:33:19,052 --> 01:33:22,852 Curiously good subtitles by Eclectic Translations