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Subtitles for Masyanya (160). Wakizashi (2022)

English
April 17 2025 05:56:26
Created by ?, Niffiwan
Masyanya (160). Vakidzasi.2022.en.1.25fps.1744869386.srt ⭳
Quality: good

Hardsubs from Eus347's YouTube channel, revised by Niffiwan (April 2025), based partly on the English softsubs from the official Masyanya channel.

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1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:06,040 Oleg Kuvaev and patrons present: Masyanya. Episode 160. Wakizashi 2 00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:12,800 I'm home! 3 00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:16,960 Hey, Hrundel! Who's asleep in our bedroom? 4 00:00:17,061 --> 00:00:18,261 Wtf is this? 5 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:21,320 Oh, that's Shaggy. I gave him plenty of tequila. 6 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,780 What for?! 7 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,300 Don't yell. 8 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,480 I just don't want him to see the news. 9 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:29,520 He's our Shaggy-o. He's Ukrainian! 10 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:31,600 He was born here, but all of his relatives are there. 11 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,800 And for how long can you marinate him like this? 12 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:34,900 I don't know. 13 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,560 I am ashamed and afraid to tell him that Russia has invaded Ukraine. 14 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,640 I lied to him that forces have withdrawn, 15 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,191 that it was all fake, that it was all hysteria. 16 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:46,320 that everything is over, so now let's go get drunk and celebrate. 17 00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:47,640 Dude, that's brutal. 18 00:00:47,741 --> 00:00:49,991 What if something's actually happened to his family? 19 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,040 So I found out! They're in Poland, 20 00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:55,960 and they're ok, to the extent that's possible. 21 00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,220 I warned them that Shaggy will call them later 22 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,560 And what about tomorrow? He'll wake up and go online right away! 23 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,720 I turned off the WiFi. 24 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,730 And his phone is dead anyway. 25 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,800 I told him we don't have any of those idiotic Apple chargers. 26 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,560 Good luck! Although imho it won't work. 27 00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:13,800 Why won't it work? You know you can't tell him! 28 00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:16,360 He has heart issues! 29 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,040 This news will kill him! 30 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,200 Should have killed someone else instead though... 31 00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:23,840 Damn, I got wasted last night. 32 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,940 What did I do that for? 33 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,620 Any news? My phone is dead. 34 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,800 Everything is awesome and normal! 35 00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:34,351 World peace, friendship, bubblegum! 36 00:01:34,490 --> 00:01:38,040 .They waved their fists and then broke it up and left. 37 00:01:38,210 --> 00:01:39,840 Don't go to work, btw. 38 00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:41,541 They all have corona right now. 39 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,050 Here, I printed you a letter. 40 00:01:43,261 --> 00:01:45,258 "Shitsoft company is in quarantine. Don't come to work for a month. Signeded Director" 41 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:47,720 See, it's signeded... What? "Signeded"? 42 00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:50,221 Oh, it should be "signed". The printer misspoke... 43 00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,122 I mean, misp-p-printed. 44 00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,120 Why did you print this out for me, anyway? 45 00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:56,590 Our router is down, I used my phone 46 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,040 They promised to bring a new router any, any any... tomorrow. 47 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,320 Crazy, what will I do without the internet? 48 00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:05,780 Shaggy, eat the sausage! Come on! 49 00:02:05,881 --> 00:02:07,281 I am eating the sausage. 50 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,360 Btw, your neighbor called, he said not to go back for now. 51 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,600 That you've got auhhhh... flooding. 52 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,801 - What flooding? - Flooding, flooding, ding, ding 53 00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:20,040 What flooding ding ding? Someone gimme a phone, I want to make a call! 54 00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:22,880 I'm not ehh... I haven't ehh... I don't ehh... 55 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,474 - And mine is broken... socket ehh... - And mine is something with the charger... 56 00:02:24,474 --> 00:02:25,756 - It's not good... it's a... speaker... - Something is not charging. 57 00:02:25,756 --> 00:02:27,655 - It's not charged and it's got ehh... 58 00:02:28,341 --> 00:02:30,241 - I'll be right back. - Me too. 59 00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:32,342 This is nonsense, we can't keep it up for long. 60 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,543 I will install Civ for him now, it's a crazy long game! 61 00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:37,894 That will last until tomorrow at most, then what? 62 00:02:37,995 --> 00:02:41,645 I can't tell him our insane tsar decided to play Hitler, 63 00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:44,246 that he started a real war in Ukraine, that would kill him! 64 00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:46,747 Sure, it's cool to distract him from such depression, 65 00:02:46,848 --> 00:02:49,148 but who's gonna save <i>me</i> from depression, huh? 66 00:02:49,249 --> 00:02:51,549 I'm also feeling shitty because our dumbass tsar 67 00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:53,350 has stirred up all this bullshit! 68 00:02:53,451 --> 00:02:57,251 He's destroyed <i>our</i> country, first of all, and killed the future of our children! 69 00:02:57,502 --> 00:02:59,652 People are dying from bombs over there! 70 00:02:59,753 --> 00:03:01,203 And you're the one who needs support? 71 00:03:01,304 --> 00:03:03,354 We should have fought the Fuhrer harder! 72 00:03:03,455 --> 00:03:04,955 While he was still at Buchau! 73 00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:08,156 But we were all nO PolltIcS pLs No PoLiTiCs!!! 74 00:03:08,257 --> 00:03:10,307 So here is the result of "no politics" 75 00:03:10,408 --> 00:03:11,858 This is where our fault lies. 76 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,859 Yes. Seems you are right. 77 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,460 I propose we infect Shaggy with corona! 78 00:03:18,561 --> 00:03:19,561 Oh, good idea! 79 00:03:19,662 --> 00:03:21,562 No, Kolobuhin, I'm not crazy. 80 00:03:21,963 --> 00:03:24,063 Yes, I'm really asking for this. 81 00:03:24,264 --> 00:03:26,564 Yes, to spit out the window onto my plate. 82 00:03:26,715 --> 00:03:28,615 You've got corona, I've heard, right? 83 00:03:28,716 --> 00:03:29,866 Just don't tell anyone. 84 00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:33,967 I will give you steampunk goggles in return, ok? Let's do it. 85 00:03:35,468 --> 00:03:36,468 Oh, yuck. 86 00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:40,269 Are you seriously baking a sick idiot's phlegm in our oven? 87 00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,770 Have you completely lost your mind, like Putin? 88 00:03:42,871 --> 00:03:45,771 I didn't touch anything, I'm making a bioactive powder. 89 00:03:45,872 --> 00:03:48,772 I'm about to take a mallet to the back of your neck! 90 00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:49,873 My nape? 91 00:03:49,974 --> 00:03:53,474 No, cute children have a nape, you've got a fat old neck. 92 00:03:53,575 --> 00:03:55,975 You've killed all the viruses by heat, idiot! 93 00:03:56,076 --> 00:03:58,076 You'll be feeding your friend empty phlegm. 94 00:03:58,477 --> 00:04:00,677 Oops. What should I do, then? 95 00:04:00,778 --> 00:04:02,378 Let's rig up the thermometer. 96 00:04:02,829 --> 00:04:05,879 You just stuck some paper on it, stupid! Anyone could see it! 97 00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:07,380 I hid his glasses. 98 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:08,981 He can't read without his glasses. 99 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,082 What? Hrundel, you moron! 100 00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,083 What did you turn off the internet for, then? 101 00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:15,084 You could have just hidden his glasses. 102 00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:16,385 I didn't think of that. 103 00:04:16,486 --> 00:04:18,886 Aww. What a moron! 104 00:04:18,887 --> 00:04:20,787 You should apply to be the tsar, Hrundel. 105 00:04:20,888 --> 00:04:22,038 You've got all the parameters. 106 00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:23,339 You don't seem to think at all. 107 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,240 Listen, now my glasses are missing. 108 00:04:25,341 --> 00:04:27,641 Something weird is happening, I'm going home. 109 00:04:27,742 --> 00:04:28,842 No, no, no! 110 00:04:28,943 --> 00:04:29,693 Why not? 111 00:04:29,744 --> 00:04:31,394 You've got a fever, you got corona! 112 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,445 Look, Hrundel took your temp. Hrundel, give us the thermometer. 113 00:04:33,546 --> 00:04:35,646 - Where's the damn thermometer? - Oh, right! 114 00:04:35,747 --> 00:04:36,747 I don't think I took my temperature... 115 00:04:36,848 --> 00:04:39,248 Hrundel took it for you... from the back of your neck! 116 00:04:39,349 --> 00:04:41,149 - My nape? - No cute children have... 117 00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:43,800 ...nevermind, here, lie down. Sleep a bit more. 118 00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:45,651 Why should you lie around at home all alone with corona, 119 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:46,902 no one around to even bring you water. 120 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,053 What if there are complications? 121 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,454 Just lie here. Want valerian root tea? 122 00:04:50,555 --> 00:04:52,755 I'm feeling kinda fine, really. 123 00:04:52,856 --> 00:04:54,856 Lie down, it's Omicron, a treacherous thing! 124 00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:56,657 You smoking again? 125 00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:58,258 Give me a break, Hrundel! 126 00:04:58,359 --> 00:05:00,359 Smoking is such a minor thing these days. 127 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,060 The whole damn world is falling apart. 128 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,561 What's on the news, then? 129 00:05:06,112 --> 00:05:07,562 How should I put this... 130 00:05:07,813 --> 00:05:09,513 Even to pronounce it is kinda... 131 00:05:10,914 --> 00:05:12,014 One thousand deaths. 132 00:05:12,615 --> 00:05:15,215 Bombed-out, burnt cities and villages. 133 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,616 Millions of refugees. 134 00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:19,117 The whole world is against Russia. All of it! 135 00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,918 And here we get imprisoned for the most minor dissent. 136 00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:23,919 It's time for you to sing your song 137 00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:28,020 Like, "this time it is shite for real"" Something like that. 138 00:05:28,471 --> 00:05:31,221 <i>Now we are buggered, Now we are buggered,</i> 139 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,622 <i>Now we are really very really deeply buggered...</i> 140 00:05:35,623 --> 00:05:37,223 Yeah, it doesn't seem all that funny. 141 00:05:37,274 --> 00:05:39,324 It's a real, all-out war... 142 00:05:39,425 --> 00:05:42,325 Like in the 40s. Only this time the fascists are us, it seems. 143 00:05:42,726 --> 00:05:45,726 And also this symbol, Z. You know what that really is? 144 00:05:46,177 --> 00:05:47,527 It's half a swastika. 145 00:05:47,928 --> 00:05:49,728 No, I am no fascist! 146 00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:53,429 I'm just unlucky to be born in a country that has never seen freedom. 147 00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:58,930 We have a tyrant, a paranoid schizo, a dumbass shitlord doing all kinds of shit. 148 00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:00,581 whatever his left leg decides to do. 149 00:06:00,682 --> 00:06:02,682 In short, I have to go. 150 00:06:02,783 --> 00:06:06,183 Keep an eye on Shaggy and the kids. I won't be gone long. 151 00:06:06,284 --> 00:06:09,384 - Where are you going? - To Moscow. 152 00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,835 Listen, how long are you gonna drag things out? 153 00:06:17,936 --> 00:06:19,836 Why won't you give me a phone? Where's the internet? 154 00:06:19,937 --> 00:06:22,787 Why won't the TV work? Why won't you let me out? 155 00:06:24,988 --> 00:06:26,288 Alright, Shaggy... 156 00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:29,289 I'll tell you the truth, but on one condition. 157 00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:30,290 What? 158 00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:32,791 You will not go home. You will stay with us. 159 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,092 Strange... 160 00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:36,793 Anyway! Ahmm... 161 00:06:36,894 --> 00:06:39,694 Shit! How do I even start? 162 00:06:41,295 --> 00:06:43,095 Anyway, shit's fucked. 163 00:06:43,196 --> 00:06:47,096 It's happened. A total fuckup. 164 00:06:50,097 --> 00:06:51,897 Turn on the internet now. 165 00:06:52,098 --> 00:06:55,698 But your folks are fine! I checked! They left for Poland! 166 00:07:39,049 --> 00:07:40,599 A final solution to the Ukrainian question! 167 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,000 Yes to war! 168 00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:43,501 Bombs and rockets for Ukrainian children! 169 00:07:43,602 --> 00:07:45,102 People Zehind the fuhrer! 170 00:07:45,253 --> 00:07:46,703 The whole world are Nazis! Except for us! 171 00:07:46,804 --> 00:07:48,504 We will catch all the traitors to our nation! 172 00:07:48,605 --> 00:07:49,705 Stalin did nothing wrong! 173 00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:53,306 I made a hideout shelter for you here. 174 00:07:53,457 --> 00:07:57,607 It doesn't look deep, but the back wall is false - lots of room behind it. 175 00:07:57,708 --> 00:07:59,308 We put a mattress for you in there. 176 00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:00,759 You're gonna be just like Anne Frank. 177 00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,660 Alright, it's time for school, go! 178 00:08:08,861 --> 00:08:10,661 But wait - remember, this is important! 179 00:08:10,762 --> 00:08:13,262 We have no guests here, only mom and dad. 180 00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:15,163 They both belong to the true people. 181 00:08:15,264 --> 00:08:16,864 Don't forget this. Go on, now. 182 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:22,365 We have reports that a member of the untrue people is hiding here. 183 00:08:22,466 --> 00:08:25,866 No, what are you talking about? We all support nuclear war! 184 00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:27,167 Death to all, death! 185 00:08:27,268 --> 00:08:29,068 Let's make certain. 186 00:08:31,369 --> 00:08:32,869 Hey dudes, is Putin here? 187 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,370 Hey, look, it's Masyanya! Heheh. 188 00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,371 Say "go fuck yourself, director!" 189 00:08:38,322 --> 00:08:40,022 So is he here or not? 190 00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:41,623 No. He's in the bunker. 191 00:08:41,774 --> 00:08:43,524 - And where's the bunker? - Here. 192 00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:46,725 I have a present for him, from adoring humanity. 193 00:08:46,976 --> 00:08:48,476 You can come in, you're Masyanya. 194 00:08:48,577 --> 00:08:50,677 Let's go have a smoke. 195 00:09:02,078 --> 00:09:04,978 Hey! Putin! Cuckoo! 196 00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:06,479 Where are you, you bastard? 197 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,480 Putin! Where are you? I've got a present for you! 198 00:09:10,781 --> 00:09:13,181 In accordance with wartime law... 199 00:09:13,182 --> 00:09:15,182 <i>This isn't the end, this isn't the end,</i> 200 00:09:17,183 --> 00:09:19,233 Ah! Here's where you've been hiding, you asshole! 201 00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:20,284 And who are you? 202 00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:22,985 I am the mother of my children and the wife of my husband. 203 00:09:23,086 --> 00:09:26,236 Tell me honestly, murderer, what did you start this war for? 204 00:09:26,337 --> 00:09:27,787 Because they have nazis there! 205 00:09:27,888 --> 00:09:30,288 You can leave that bullshit for your zombies, dude. 206 00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:33,389 There is only one nazi in this situation - you, bitch! 207 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,590 There are no nazis there, tell the truth! 208 00:09:35,691 --> 00:09:38,191 Then why the hell do they live free? 209 00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:40,292 And don't listen to me, the great emperor? 210 00:09:40,393 --> 00:09:43,593 Our vassals see this, and they will also want the same! That's what! 211 00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:45,394 So you wanted to reinforce your throne? 212 00:09:45,495 --> 00:09:49,595 Using hundreds of dead Ukrainians and thousands of dead Russian boys?! 213 00:09:49,696 --> 00:09:50,596 Are you insane? 214 00:09:50,697 --> 00:09:52,597 Not only to reinforce, but to win glory! 215 00:09:52,698 --> 00:09:55,398 As you know, we're all taught in childhood that 216 00:09:55,499 --> 00:09:58,499 <i>Those who are helping others Are wasting precious time!</i> 217 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,600 <i>You simply can't get famous By treating people fine.</i> 218 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:05,601 You have blundered into countless war crimes against humanity, asshole! 219 00:10:05,702 --> 00:10:10,102 You bastard! Like Hitler, Pol Pot, Mao Zedong, Osama bin Laden... 220 00:10:10,203 --> 00:10:11,603 You are in their fellowship now 221 00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:13,004 But they left me no choice! 222 00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:14,805 I have brought you a choice. 223 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:18,606 I have brought the most reasonable decision, the only correct one. 224 00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:20,307 Here. - What is that? 225 00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:23,208 This is a Japanese shortsword, a wakizashi. 226 00:10:23,359 --> 00:10:25,309 It's like a katana in form, but short. 227 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:28,510 It's convenient for, well... you probably understand. 228 00:10:28,811 --> 00:10:31,911 For the only good decision of your life, understand? 229 00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:34,912 I'm gonna go. You're a monster, Putin, admit it! 230 00:10:35,163 --> 00:10:37,113 Thousands of innocent people are dying, you moron. 231 00:10:37,214 --> 00:10:37,914 Because of you! 232 00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:40,015 Because of your bloated inferiority complex. 233 00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:43,216 and your pathetic vanity! Chao! Forever, I hope. 234 00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:50,217 Hello! Why are you all sitting in the open like this? 235 00:10:50,318 --> 00:10:51,518 If someone sees you, they will snitch on you! 236 00:10:51,619 --> 00:10:53,819 What, did your phone die on the way back? 237 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,520 Well, yeah. What did I miss? 238 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,821 So, Hrundel... shall we tell her the news, 239 00:10:57,922 --> 00:11:00,422 or hold her up for a few days like you did me? 240 00:11:00,523 --> 00:11:02,623 Nah, I'll tell her, it's good news after all! 241 00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:03,624 Come here real quick. 242 00:11:09,225 --> 00:11:11,625 Well. I was... I was very convincing. 243 00:11:12,826 --> 00:11:15,226 This is good news, of course, excellent even! 244 00:11:15,327 --> 00:11:18,227 But it'll be a while before our lives are normal, even so. 245 00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,228 They say someone brought him a sword, right to his bunker. 246 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:23,329 Interesting. I wonder who it could be? 247 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,330 Hope they catch the bastard. 248 00:11:31,331 --> 00:11:33,331 (c) Oleg Kuvaev 249 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:41,331 Thanks to patrons on patreon.com/kuvaev and the "Transilvaniya" group (Odesa) 250 00:12:03,032 --> 00:12:05,700 Subs from the YouTube channel, revised by Niffiwan (April 2025)